Heavenly Bliss and murmurs

Well, I am almost thirty years old. Twenty eight years to be exact. Coming of age can be considered as being mature or grown up. I am, maybe, seemingly grown up. And i have much accepted the fact that i am not working like others in the same bandwidth as my age group and i am not married like many of my friends are. I work in a field of my own in a kind of work i call my calling. Yet, I do not have the necessary income to be in a position where i should/could be in order to marry. Well, that's not a problem at all as i don't see myself getting married till i am in my late thirties. Finding a means of income has seemed to be more difficult these days. But i also seem to run away from possible employment sources as i seem to enjoy the non-profit work and enjoy my current perspective. Sometimes i would be in a position where i could choose to be what i want to be. Too many bees in that sentence. I like distancing myself from 'be' sentences. Well, two sentences and two lines from the 'be' sentence is distance enough. Sooner or later I need to find a wife who will earn while i do what i like to do. Something a bit more than plain working. But then i would have to wash dishes, make the chapatis, get the kids ready for the day, help them with homework, scream at the kaamwaalibai etc. Well, otherwise my awareness these days regarding individual social responsibility has undergone a remarkable change. I was thinking that since i do not work in any company i am doing that much less harm to the environment. There are stakeholders like flora, fauna and physical environment, whose voices we cannot hear, but who are affected by the anthropogenic impacts of global population. The future generation also does not exist today but will be impacted by our activities. This is because practically every company harms the environment. Just as every individual does. Maybe, I will never have a kid of my own and that much less environmental harm there forth. Not having a kid does not mean not bringing up kids. Furthermore i can use my core competence and skills in writing and interacting with people to good use and my location and whatever funds that find their way into my hands for the help of people and the environment. Heavenly Bliss.

Wave beat

This evening I went to the beach. It was very beautiful. There were colourful clouds reflecting on the Arabian Sea. I sat on a large rock. It must have been facing the fury of winds and waves over centuries. It gave me a nice feeling to sit on that rock and to look where the sea kissed the horizon and the clouds that were blushing with a bright crimson hue. The last of the fishing boats made a beautiful silhouette against the setting sun. My heart was filled with joy and I felt a throb of my pulse and the rhythmic beat of the heart. Below me the waves were beating against large stones. I saw in myself the archetypal rock of being. The indestructible core of the psyche. I was becoming infatuated with the illusions of the phenomenal world.
- Gopal and Guru Nitya Chaitanya Yati on the same wavebeat.

A butterfly's wings

Gopal: imagine a beautiful butterfly... in order to fly ... it flaps its wings together
Gopal: at the same time
Gopal: in tandem
Gopal: not at a cross purpose cause flapping of wings need to take the butterfly up and create momentum..
Gopal: are you with me till now
Leanne: yes
Gopal: yes
Gopal: now if the right wing of the butterfly is time and the left wing is work and the flight is achievements in line with your aspirations
Gopal: everytime the right wing creates an effort and releases a quantity of time then in that time you need to get that much work completed to move in tandem to create a flight cause if you dont you never fly
Gopal: and if time passes
Gopal: or work becomes more than you can handle which is not the case.... the butterfly bites the dust
Gopal: now do you get me why it's important to go do your stuff if you think you are capable enough to do it as a regular routine>>>continuity>>>existence and not just it but an undisturbed existence and a happy life and healthy sustenance
Leanne: Yes, I know
Gopal: gotta go now
Gopal: but you know what i mean

thats a good line (Elka chalo re)

If they answer not to thy call walk alone,
If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,
O thou of evil luck,
open thy mind and speak out alone.

If they turn away, and desert you when crossing the wilderness,
O thou of evil luck,
trample the thorns under thy tread,
and along the blood-lined track travel alone.
If they do not hold up the light when the night is troubled with storm,
O thou of evil luck,
with the thunder flame of pain ignite thy own heart
and let it burn alone.
-Anonymous

A poem.. that's all.

गालिब,
मला दुःखाएवढं
मोठ व्हायचं आहे
भोवतालच्या अंधाराला
वणवा नाही लागला
तरी चालेल
पण माझ्या शब्दांचे दिवे
तरंगताहेत त्यावर
एवढंच पाहायचंय मला
माझ्या जिवावर
पडत चाललेल्या
आत्महत्यांच्या गाठी
पार करत
मरेपर्यंत जगायचंय मला
तुझ्यासारखच!

~ किशोर कदम

Karma

When realisation strikes it's more like lightning. Good summers are to be wasted doing something unproductive. Unproductive like sitting under a shady tree by the roadside and watching the world go by. I was doing the same when i noticed a half dead earthworm being eaten by a swarm of ants. I wanted to do something about it so i picked up a small stone and started killing the ants. Who then happened to pass by? An ascetic with a sceptre in his right hand. And he saw what i was doing and asked me if i really understood the gravity of my actions. I said" what". I was just killing a few ants. {Karma- The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence. Understanding karma is very fundamental in understanding yourself. Lord Krishna in Mahabharata during the epic war told Arjuna that there was nothing wrong in killing Karna while he was trying to get his chariot's wheel unstuck. And after the war was over Krishna went into a forest and was sitting under a tree when a hunters arrow aimed at a deer mistakenly struck Krishna in the foot and he bled to death.} I was told by the ascetic that the earthworm was a helpless Karna and the hunger of the ants was Arjuna. What did that make of the ants? The ants were Krishna and i with my empathetic motive of saving the half dead earthworm was actually mistakenly killing the lord himself. I was the killer of Krishna. Funnily enough my name is Gopal...another name of Krishna. So did Krishna sit under the tree knowingly or unknowingly ?

• There was a time when i used to tell myself a million times again and again that i had to kill myself. By killing ants i did achieve the same.
• Well, i've learnt this lesson well in life that anything you do against your conscience is as good as killing yourself.

Covering the distance

I think i'm headed towards Kerala. Let's see. My dad works on the plants planted by my mom. He doesn't want to leave Kerala for them and a lot of other reasons. If you see Santosh Sivan's 'The Terrorist', i see my dad as the guy who gives Ayesha Dharker, the female lead, shelter in his house. The setting of his wife who is in a coma. The plaintain leaf that he serves with food and leaves empty. His son who is never going to return.. The optimism that every seed he plants.. will be a tree. And in the movie he has a dumb worker living with him to do menial jobs whose name is Gopal. Kurukshetra to me means..the womb.. why? Kuru means 'seed' in the language Malayalam and Kshetra means 'realm' of the seed. Kshetra represents the apparent reality which enjoins us to play a role with the laudable objective of sustaining the universe. Kurukshetra is also the abode of the divine where the great war of Mahabharata took place. The movie is about a suicide bomber who is pregnant and stays in this old man's house as a guest, days before the planned act of terrorism.

Enjoy the little one

I was waiting. Waiting for the second cup of tea to arrive. Sitting in this tea shop with walls covered with framed pictures of Hindu Gods. Around 54 of them. I counted while i sipped at the saucer. Pouring more hot tea into the saucer. No biscuits. No cookies. This place only served tea. A lady manned the counter. She was dressed in a white sari. White saris with golden border that's worn when you go to temples in Kerala. The waiter was very slow and a bit dumb maybe retarded. It was proving to be another deja vu. Why. Why. I walked to the counter and paid. The lady at the counter said "Om Namah Shivaya" just as i was leaving the entrance. A blue car full of old men in white with huge moustaches were driving by. All the people inside were laughing. I asked myself whether i really did see that. Cause the next moment the car disappeared into thin air. Somebody cried out aloud "Enjoy the little one". I looked all around and there was not a man in sight. Om Namah Shivaya means 'i bow to Lord Shiva.' The next time I was home, i drew with a pencil on the wall of my bedroom Lord Siva sitting on Nandi with a bow in his hand as shown on the cover of the book "The Meaning of India" written by Raja Rao. The book did not make sense with the picture of Lord Shiva on it's cover. It was clouding my mind. I removed the cover and kept it with me. I left the book at the doorstep of a neighbour whose last name was Buddhisagar meaning 'Ocean of knowledge.' Let that clutter by Raja Rao drown in the ocean of knowledge.

Chasing the moon

As a kid sitting behind my dad on his scooter on the way back home was a long drive on a straight road. In the night, above the brick kilns, the moon would also be speeding its way down south ahead of our scooter at all times. I remember asking my dad to step on the gas to overtake the moon. And step on the gas he did. That was a thrilling moment though we never ever overtook the moon. Recently, when i was driving in Kerala on its winding roads i saw the moon in front of me again. And as i was turning on a long curve of the road i noticed that i was actually slowly overtaking the moon. All it took was a U-turn to put the moon behind. And it took me 20 years to learn how.

A fulfilling day and a funfilled tomorrow

A responsibility is a responsibility is a responsibility
If you are given some work
If you are remotely involved
If you feel you can do it better
If you know you can have the problem solved
It's your responsibility and a ...
Responsibility is a responsibility is a responsibility.
If your creation is the best
Holds seige of the breath
In the chests of the rest
If you know you can contribute more
You can surely do so
Now don't say noo.When you see your work today
And when you see your work in the morrow.
You will see a marked increase
of water
In the bay of happiness
And less in the sea of sorrow
What you do is what you are
What you are is what you do
It does make a difference where you go
It does make a difference what you sow.This lyric is for the seekers
Of a fortune that features
The teachers in the light
And children shining bright
To the people looking forward
To the parents looking up
Let's cheer for a fulfilling day
Let's hear for a funfilled tomorrow

~Gopal Sea

Bryan Campen's father wrote him a letter way back in 1994 on poetry and i have the first page.

There will come, a day....

I had gone to my landlords place and was bluffing about starting my own radio station called Converstation. The old couple... Annie Coutinho and her husband were both listening to all the lies i had to say... i gave them the last cheque and said goodbye. Just as i was about to walk away from the building i heard something. It was coming from the ground floor apartment. A lady standing by the window was calling out loud...."Paapi" which means 'sinner'. someone inside me broke...someone inside me toughened...something inside me knew..And someone i didn't know until that day started walking and walk i did for a mile to a place where there was a board on which were the following words written in hindi..."Prasanna Jeevan"...I stood dumbfounded on the other side of the road where my feet had stopped by themselves. I had never noticed the board before...i had never seen the board before..but those words...."Paapi" dragged me to the opposite end of this road in front of that horrendous sign which said "Prasanna Jeevan" meaning "Contented Life" and.. my heart broke and i cried. I was sobbing. Tears were rivers. My life my heart and my body my memories my past present and future and all that touched me during the course of my existence was crying. The sounds became louder but died out in the noise of the traffic. I was on this side of the road..and the sign on the other....I would never cross over to the other side. I cried for the millions... and mocking at the "Contented life" sung the song "Hum honge kamyaab ek din" ...which means "There will be a day when we will succeed"...

Shahi Badam

...I had just finished biding my time at the Bilathikulam Siva temple in Calicut and it was time to move on. On to the next stop.. walking quick i noticed that i was being followed.. climbed into a rick and asked him to take me there.. where..? there where buses go to bangalore and mumbai but are untraceable private buses. Untraceable private buses! before long i was sitting in this garage which had a bus parked inside and two suspicious looking guys guarding the place.. me wearing a saffron robe didn't make things easier in this toughlooking muslim neighbourhood...i was getting uneasy when a pleasant looking quite unpleasantly dressed older fellow came and sat next to me..shoots.."Have you been to Mumbai before"....i don't reply.."Have you seen the movie "Deewar""...my eyes brightened and i nodded in the affirmative...billa no.786... i said...suddenly the tension in the atmosphere had cleared ...i had the magic number...786...so i was no clown in a susceptible attire....time for me to go i thought...time for me to make my move....i thought...calling 360011 i waited as the bell rung thrice.. A male voice picked up the phone.."Catch me if you can"..were my only words..the attendant at Al-karam travels said.."You have come to the right place." The unkempt older fellow's eyes twinkled when he said "When you reach Mumbai..look to buy Shahi Badam flavour of icecream."

As happy as a beggar

I fished out a coin at Andheri station and dropped it in the plate of a blind beggar on the overbridge. The beggar pounced on the coin and held it to his eye as though to check it's authenticity. I dropped another 5 ruppee coin in his plate and he bent to check on the coin even though he had no legs. He made me happy and we enjoyed the short interplay of expression and i was as happy as the beggar.

Pritam and Gopal in Mumbai

One day i was thinking about my friend Pritam who is in the U.S. for the past 14 years and a rick driver asked me "what" and i said "Pritam." He took me to a restaurant called Pritam. Close to where i worked. Pritam at Malad {West} in Mumbai.

And when i got out of the restaurant after having some food he came along again and asked me my name.. i said Gopal and he took me to another restaurant close by called Shrikrishna which is another name for Gopal
so Pritam and Gopal are always near each other in Mumbai

Thought flies...like a kite

One day you cannot miss being in Ahmednagar
Makar Sankranti is kite flying day for us. Bagad batti area had a thousand kites in the air. We bought ourselves 12 kites and 1350metres of thread on a Chakri {Thread Roller}. Good thread costs 180 rupees for 900 metres. Kite flying is dependant on 50% the quality of the thread and 30% luck and 20% skill. You need to aim for cutting as many kites you can and ruling the skies. When your kite gets hooked on to another kite's thread you need to release the thread as fast as possible. The heavier kite moves faster in the air. The friction of your thread onto the other kites thread and the speed of the thread rubbing onto other kites thread will decide the fate of your kite. We cut 7 kites in less than 20 minutes. And we had our own cheerleading group on the terrace to shout and make shrill noises everytime a kite is cut. An angry and frustrated uncle and his wife who were standing on a terrace 50 metres ahead started giving us harsh looks after we cut 3 of their kites as soon as they were aloft. Two of our kites succumbed to heavier kites allowing them more movement in the air but nevertheless we enjoyed the effort. Me and Karthik with the kites. Cousins Jayan, Biju and Sumesh on the cheerleading squad. Tomorrow being a Sunday we have another big round of kite flying coming up.

Playing soccer in Nagar

I have been playing soccer for the past one year but have not been able to go beyond the basics. Let's see what my basic difficulties are. I can't run quick. When i run, it seems that i'm in slow motion while others are in play mode. I also have a problem with flexibility and that affects my reflexes. That puts going ahead with the ball and dribbling per se beyond me. I'm pretty good at timing a run while defending and also good at bulldozing other opponents. The stopping part after a burst of (slow motion) sprint is also a problem. I follow the captain's orders and fill in the gaps well. It's better if i got myself fitter but lazy that i am, i barely manage a four round run (in slow motion) round a sevens football ground. I think i'll be better. Being able to play soccer this regularly is a blessing but this blessing has other sacrifices taking its toll on me. I hope i can find a balance. While running in football and in life too.

White light in heaven

There I was sitting in the courtyard at a friends place. Those were days when winter used to bring with it white light and now it was in our courtyard. She asked me whether I noticed the white light reflecting from the leaves and it felt as though we were probably not on earth but in heaven. We sat on the bamboo chairs for some more time absorbing the beauty of the morning sunshine. Topics veered to our work. I said all that I do was get up at 3.00 am, walk the distance upto the horizon, put a jack under the sun and lift it up so that the sun rises on time. I said that my biggest fear was that the sun would fail to rise one day.

Once upon a time in the life of Gopal

When I was in the 2nd standard around 7 years old and we had just recently shifted from our old rented bungalow to our new apartment in Sahakarnagar Pune, I joined the gang of schoolchildren climbing onto the school bus called Khatara because of it’s junk looks and running condition and took a seat. As I sat down and looked around my eyes caught a smart very lively looking beautiful girl sitting in the school bus. I saw her maybe twice and then a strange thing happened.
One Sunday morning as I walked outta the door and stopped down the flight of stairs, I saw the same girl from the bus hopping around the house where our new neighbours had moved in. Realisation struck and I was happy. We did start playing together soon after that 2nd standard Diwali. Then we did start walking to school together. When we got our report cards from school when she had an eighth rank I had eighteenth and when I had a seventh rank she had seventeenth and I thought that was how it was meant to be. I never ever told her I loved her.I would park my bicycle next to her BSA SLR. I used to stomp on the stairs as I walked past her apartment. I used to scratch her name on leaves and leave them floating in the air and watch them fall from the third floor balcony. Everytime we played pairs and chains we used to hold hands as pairs and I would think there couldn’t be anything better.
From 2nd standard to 6th standard she was my first and longest love angle. Then she got herself a boyfriend and I was put in a boarding school and life moved on. But I can say as much that true love never gets wasted and I think if, ever, the person met me again I would still be indebted for helping me see a beautiful me beyond the turbulence that was called a childhood for Gopal.

A Chancy Chancy World

Hey, it’s a chancy chancy world outhere and your best shot gives you 50% chance of getting it right. An even chance of a win everytime maybe luck or a miracle. What would you prefer? Mel says in “Signs” “I like miracles cause they prove that there are no co-incidences and therefore everything happens for a reason."