Friday, August 02, 2019

My validation on twitter

PISTOL SHRIMP: My claw snaps shut so hard, the sonic shockwave kills my prey!
MANTIS SHRIMP: My claw can hit with the force of .22 caliber bullet!
BACKSTABBER SHRIMP: C'mon, bud, your girlfriend and I are just friends!
What base is it when you hope you get hit by lightning and die
Polite grocery check out person: “Hello how are you today?”
My 7 yr old: “I’m fine but, I really wish I had hair on my chest.”
Me: ....
When Groot says “I am Groot” - I feel that.
Me: I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse.
Seabiscuit: please get me off this boat.
Rancher: *Standing on shore yelling* It's round up time!
Me: What are you rounding up at the beach?
Rancher: Sea cows
Me: Are those surfers in cowboy hats?
Rancher: Yep. Broboys.
It’s 2019 and I still don’t have a pet sloth

No comments: