Enjoy the little one

I was waiting. Waiting for the second cup of tea to arrive. Sitting in this tea shop with walls covered with framed pictures of Hindu Gods. Around 54 of them. I counted while i sipped at the saucer. Pouring more hot tea into the saucer. No biscuits. No cookies. This place only served tea. A lady manned the counter. She was dressed in a white sari. White saris with golden border that's worn when you go to temples in Kerala. The waiter was very slow and a bit dumb maybe retarded. It was proving to be another deja vu. Why. Why. I walked to the counter and paid. The lady at the counter said "Om Namah Shivaya" just as i was leaving the entrance. A blue car full of old men in white with huge moustaches were driving by. All the people inside were laughing. I asked myself whether i really did see that. Cause the next moment the car disappeared into thin air. Somebody cried out aloud "Enjoy the little one". I looked all around and there was not a man in sight. Om Namah Shivaya means 'i bow to Lord Shiva.' The next time I was home, i drew with a pencil on the wall of my bedroom Lord Siva sitting on Nandi with a bow in his hand as shown on the cover of the book "The Meaning of India" written by Raja Rao. The book did not make sense with the picture of Lord Shiva on it's cover. It was clouding my mind. I removed the cover and kept it with me. I left the book at the doorstep of a neighbour whose last name was Buddhisagar meaning 'Ocean of knowledge.' Let that clutter by Raja Rao drown in the ocean of knowledge.

Chasing the moon

As a kid sitting behind my dad on his scooter on the way back home was a long drive on a straight road. In the night, above the brick kilns, the moon would also be speeding its way down south ahead of our scooter at all times. I remember asking my dad to step on the gas to overtake the moon. And step on the gas he did. That was a thrilling moment though we never ever overtook the moon. Recently, when i was driving in Kerala on its winding roads i saw the moon in front of me again. And as i was turning on a long curve of the road i noticed that i was actually slowly overtaking the moon. All it took was a U-turn to put the moon behind. And it took me 20 years to learn how.

A fulfilling day and a funfilled tomorrow

A responsibility is a responsibility is a responsibility
If you are given some work
If you are remotely involved
If you feel you can do it better
If you know you can have the problem solved
It's your responsibility and a ...
Responsibility is a responsibility is a responsibility.
If your creation is the best
Holds seige of the breath
In the chests of the rest
If you know you can contribute more
You can surely do so
Now don't say noo.When you see your work today
And when you see your work in the morrow.
You will see a marked increase
of water
In the bay of happiness
And less in the sea of sorrow
What you do is what you are
What you are is what you do
It does make a difference where you go
It does make a difference what you sow.This lyric is for the seekers
Of a fortune that features
The teachers in the light
And children shining bright
To the people looking forward
To the parents looking up
Let's cheer for a fulfilling day
Let's hear for a funfilled tomorrow

~Gopal Sea

Bryan Campen's father wrote him a letter way back in 1994 on poetry and i have the first page.

There will come, a day....

I had gone to my landlords place and was bluffing about starting my own radio station called Converstation. The old couple... Annie Coutinho and her husband were both listening to all the lies i had to say... i gave them the last cheque and said goodbye. Just as i was about to walk away from the building i heard something. It was coming from the ground floor apartment. A lady standing by the window was calling out loud...."Paapi" which means 'sinner'. someone inside me broke...someone inside me toughened...something inside me knew..And someone i didn't know until that day started walking and walk i did for a mile to a place where there was a board on which were the following words written in hindi..."Prasanna Jeevan"...I stood dumbfounded on the other side of the road where my feet had stopped by themselves. I had never noticed the board before...i had never seen the board before..but those words...."Paapi" dragged me to the opposite end of this road in front of that horrendous sign which said "Prasanna Jeevan" meaning "Contented Life" and.. my heart broke and i cried. I was sobbing. Tears were rivers. My life my heart and my body my memories my past present and future and all that touched me during the course of my existence was crying. The sounds became louder but died out in the noise of the traffic. I was on this side of the road..and the sign on the other....I would never cross over to the other side. I cried for the millions... and mocking at the "Contented life" sung the song "Hum honge kamyaab ek din" ...which means "There will be a day when we will succeed"...

Shahi Badam

...I had just finished biding my time at the Bilathikulam Siva temple in Calicut and it was time to move on. On to the next stop.. walking quick i noticed that i was being followed.. climbed into a rick and asked him to take me there.. where..? there where buses go to bangalore and mumbai but are untraceable private buses. Untraceable private buses! before long i was sitting in this garage which had a bus parked inside and two suspicious looking guys guarding the place.. me wearing a saffron robe didn't make things easier in this toughlooking muslim neighbourhood...i was getting uneasy when a pleasant looking quite unpleasantly dressed older fellow came and sat next to me..shoots.."Have you been to Mumbai before"....i don't reply.."Have you seen the movie "Deewar""...my eyes brightened and i nodded in the affirmative...billa no.786... i said...suddenly the tension in the atmosphere had cleared ...i had the magic number...786...so i was no clown in a susceptible attire....time for me to go i thought...time for me to make my move....i thought...calling 360011 i waited as the bell rung thrice.. A male voice picked up the phone.."Catch me if you can"..were my only words..the attendant at Al-karam travels said.."You have come to the right place." The unkempt older fellow's eyes twinkled when he said "When you reach Mumbai..look to buy Shahi Badam flavour of icecream."

As happy as a beggar

I fished out a coin at Andheri station and dropped it in the plate of a blind beggar on the overbridge. The beggar pounced on the coin and held it to his eye as though to check it's authenticity. I dropped another 5 ruppee coin in his plate and he bent to check on the coin even though he had no legs. He made me happy and we enjoyed the short interplay of expression and i was as happy as the beggar.

Pritam and Gopal in Mumbai

One day i was thinking about my friend Pritam who is in the U.S. for the past 14 years and a rick driver asked me "what" and i said "Pritam." He took me to a restaurant called Pritam. Close to where i worked. Pritam at Malad {West} in Mumbai.

And when i got out of the restaurant after having some food he came along again and asked me my name.. i said Gopal and he took me to another restaurant close by called Shrikrishna which is another name for Gopal
so Pritam and Gopal are always near each other in Mumbai

Thought flies...like a kite

One day you cannot miss being in Ahmednagar
Makar Sankranti is kite flying day for us. Bagad batti area had a thousand kites in the air. We bought ourselves 12 kites and 1350metres of thread on a Chakri {Thread Roller}. Good thread costs 180 rupees for 900 metres. Kite flying is dependant on 50% the quality of the thread and 30% luck and 20% skill. You need to aim for cutting as many kites you can and ruling the skies. When your kite gets hooked on to another kite's thread you need to release the thread as fast as possible. The heavier kite moves faster in the air. The friction of your thread onto the other kites thread and the speed of the thread rubbing onto other kites thread will decide the fate of your kite. We cut 7 kites in less than 20 minutes. And we had our own cheerleading group on the terrace to shout and make shrill noises everytime a kite is cut. An angry and frustrated uncle and his wife who were standing on a terrace 50 metres ahead started giving us harsh looks after we cut 3 of their kites as soon as they were aloft. Two of our kites succumbed to heavier kites allowing them more movement in the air but nevertheless we enjoyed the effort. Me and Karthik with the kites. Cousins Jayan, Biju and Sumesh on the cheerleading squad. Tomorrow being a Sunday we have another big round of kite flying coming up.

Playing soccer in Nagar

I have been playing soccer for the past one year but have not been able to go beyond the basics. Let's see what my basic difficulties are. I can't run quick. When i run, it seems that i'm in slow motion while others are in play mode. I also have a problem with flexibility and that affects my reflexes. That puts going ahead with the ball and dribbling per se beyond me. I'm pretty good at timing a run while defending and also good at bulldozing other opponents. The stopping part after a burst of (slow motion) sprint is also a problem. I follow the captain's orders and fill in the gaps well. It's better if i got myself fitter but lazy that i am, i barely manage a four round run (in slow motion) round a sevens football ground. I think i'll be better. Being able to play soccer this regularly is a blessing but this blessing has other sacrifices taking its toll on me. I hope i can find a balance. While running in football and in life too.

White light in heaven

There I was sitting in the courtyard at a friends place. Those were days when winter used to bring with it white light and now it was in our courtyard. She asked me whether I noticed the white light reflecting from the leaves and it felt as though we were probably not on earth but in heaven. We sat on the bamboo chairs for some more time absorbing the beauty of the morning sunshine. Topics veered to our work. I said all that I do was get up at 3.00 am, walk the distance upto the horizon, put a jack under the sun and lift it up so that the sun rises on time. I said that my biggest fear was that the sun would fail to rise one day.

Once upon a time in the life of Gopal

When I was in the 2nd standard around 7 years old and we had just recently shifted from our old rented bungalow to our new apartment in Sahakarnagar Pune, I joined the gang of schoolchildren climbing onto the school bus called Khatara because of it’s junk looks and running condition and took a seat. As I sat down and looked around my eyes caught a smart very lively looking beautiful girl sitting in the school bus. I saw her maybe twice and then a strange thing happened.
One Sunday morning as I walked outta the door and stopped down the flight of stairs, I saw the same girl from the bus hopping around the house where our new neighbours had moved in. Realisation struck and I was happy. We did start playing together soon after that 2nd standard Diwali. Then we did start walking to school together. When we got our report cards from school when she had an eighth rank I had eighteenth and when I had a seventh rank she had seventeenth and I thought that was how it was meant to be. I never ever told her I loved her.I would park my bicycle next to her BSA SLR. I used to stomp on the stairs as I walked past her apartment. I used to scratch her name on leaves and leave them floating in the air and watch them fall from the third floor balcony. Everytime we played pairs and chains we used to hold hands as pairs and I would think there couldn’t be anything better.
From 2nd standard to 6th standard she was my first and longest love angle. Then she got herself a boyfriend and I was put in a boarding school and life moved on. But I can say as much that true love never gets wasted and I think if, ever, the person met me again I would still be indebted for helping me see a beautiful me beyond the turbulence that was called a childhood for Gopal.

A Chancy Chancy World

Hey, it’s a chancy chancy world outhere and your best shot gives you 50% chance of getting it right. An even chance of a win everytime maybe luck or a miracle. What would you prefer? Mel says in “Signs” “I like miracles cause they prove that there are no co-incidences and therefore everything happens for a reason."

"Life is so inordinately beautiful that it’s beauty is its burden: a burden we often mistake as sadness. Scratch a sadness and you will see the ineffable magnificence lurking inside."

Transformations

Portion of this yew
Is a man my grandsire knew
Bosomed here at it’s foot:
This branch may be his wife
A ruddy human life
Now turned to a green shoot

These grasses must be made
Of her who often prayed,
Last century, for repose;
And the fair girl long ago
Whom I often tried to know
May be entering this rose
So, they are not underground
But as nerves and veins abound
In the growths of upper air,
And they feel the sun and rain,
And the energy again
That made them what they were!
-poem by Thomas Hardy

Re: yup im enjoying myself. -19th August 2002

To tell you the truth. this is how it goes. i come up with ten ideas daily. i put them on paper. i work on all the thoughts that pop in mind. i try and whitewash all the dark corners in my workshop of life. I try to follow a routine i never am able to do so. So that's a routine which has a lot of continuity to it. Of never being able to follow a routine. And the continuity ensures that i exist. it is my form of existence. i.e. routine>>>>>continuity>>>>>existence. i love to exist knowing the fact that im no different than the bike that im riding or from the tree that is breathing or the blood that is continually flowing through my veins. i try and pass through the glass ceiling without breaking and that just about requires understanding Men in Black Part 1. i mix a bit of philosophy and physics. physics is a picture of a human being who has been walking a few billion miles to a distance so far away from earth that if you place a plank between that human being and earth and a triangular support beneath it maybe just outside the solar system, then a mere touch on the plank would move earth out of orbit.


In philosophy this is how it goes. you drop a watermelon onto the ground and it falls down. One day what if it didn't fall down and remained floting in the air. Most of us would suffer a shiver of fright or maybe a stroke for those who haven't undergone angioplasty. this is purely because of cause and effect.

We are taught to be mature in life. Relating a particular cause to a particular effect is a sign of maturity in this practical world and an integral part of our upbringing. Kill me and if i don't die that would be purely because i don't relate cause to effect as is studied by scientists and held to be true by them by which they mean the time tested theory says that a particular cause needs to have a particular effect. Babies would not relate that cause to that effect and would not be surprised if the watermelon started dancing and singging. nor would it make a difference to people who sleep like a baby as your father was when i saw him in the hospital quite some time back. People go to temples to go back into the form of that new born baby and stop relating cause to effect. ppl have cocaine and other form of drugs to do the same when all that was needed was a bit of physics and philosophy. Your dad has started his journey sooner than others in a manner which is quite unique in an attempt to tell you that he will reach the other end of the plank the moment he leaves his physical form. Reason being unlike others who leave their physical form and then start walking and it takes some time for them to reach the other end of the plank so that with one touch on the other end he could move earth out of orbit. He had begun the journey long back so that you realise that he is now ready to move earth out of orbit but then R YOU READY TO BE THE LEVER
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hi there,

its been a long while sinve eithet of got in touch.

guess what i am writting to you from delhi.my dad not keeping well and and landing in to coma nd 5 surgical interventions not makinmg him conscious made us all take a decion of bringingg him here in this hospital...appollo.

well its been 4 weeks already heer.the docs ar taking care of his othre parameters thta got kind of goofed up while in puna in the hosp and and that took a larger than life dimension altogether.his for the brain interventions are yet to happen..

in t he mean tie he is mighty critical..he is on artificial respirator ...and his in coma still...some times the docs are of the opinion that the inevitable is just round the corner.

anyhow you tell me whats happening at your end.hows work>i ma sure you are enjoying yourself ...

anyhow ill write off here itself.

do mail back.

A very serious and sad story

Once upon a time there was a centipede that was amazingly good at dancing with all four hundred and eighty legs. All the creatures of the forest gathered to watch everytime the centipede danced, and they were all impressed by the exquisite dance. But there was one creature that didn’t like watching the centipede dance-that was a tortoise. He couldn’t just say he didn’t like the dance. Neither could he say he danced better himself, that would obviously be untrue. So he devised a fiendish plan.
He sat down and wrote a letter to the centipede. “O incomparable centipede,” he wrote, “I am a devoted admirer of your exquisite dancing. I must know how you go about it when you dance. Is it that you lift leg number 28 and then your right leg number 39? Or do you begin by lifting your right leg number 17 before you lift your left leg number 44?
I await your reply in breathless anticipation. Yours truly, Tortoise”
When the centipede read the letter, she immediately began to think about what she actually did when she danced. Which leg did she lift first? And which leg next? In the end the centipede never danced again.
A story where imagination gets strangled by reasoned deliberation.
So it is important for an artist not to let reason and reflection control a more or less unconscious expression

The Unstoppable Journeys

I am a hungry soul and I cruise
To distances unseen; unheard; unused
I came across a bend and long I stood
Stretched my sight as far as I could
To where it bent on the world’s hood

There he stood as a janitor of time
Gazing at me with dry, weary eyes
Holding his hand was like holding the hand of time
He stretched and gave me a rotating twig
As if from a different epoch was now for me to dig

Concentrate and pray; is all he said
And even the arid leaves will breathe again
Miracle or not but my life changed
As good bestowed me and evil stumbled away

And that has made all the difference
Made me unstoppable in every sense


I traversed centuries to embrace the sky with her
While I sang; the wind came to purr
That’s when the old soul said; we all wear masks
Sometimes to hide sometimes to be hideous

I can still hear the crackling of the yellow shrub
I can still feel the journey within me
As every moment unmasked a new discovery within me
As every discovery whispered to me
Not to count how many moments in life
But how many unstoppable lives to be lived in every moment


As I leisured like a lonely cloud
Over the forests the rivers the hills aloud
Only to stop over a lake so calm
Holding the hills reflection in it’s steady palm

Who is mightier was the question I asked
The hill the lake or the sun in which they basked
The hill was high the lake was deep
The breeze longed over as a gentle sweep

Each has its might and each has its right
They just are useful in a different light
I took some lake and clamped some hill
But the breeze refused to simply fit in

Never compare came the answer like an echo
For you are different as others are so
Time stood still but was still moving fast
Telling unstoppable stories of nature’s cast


I drove long I drove for hours
Just to smell the earth after April showers
I reached a bend where the road had ceased
And salvation embarked through a narrow bridge

The water parted as I splashed on
Maybe the road to heaven was not a road at all
Humming a solitude I sat there to hymn
Wondering how to stop the rushing hand of time

In our journey of life we make a million friends
But never discover ourselves right till the end
To know others one has to know oneself
Only then can he be unstoppable in true sense


Harmonious living they say is a fantasy of mind
There has to be a winner in the world’s grind
Standing eye to eye with this dune of might
Is when I discovered how day existed with night

Suddenly my myths turned empty and hollow
As the wind brought me a new path to follow
I took some sand and grain to remember
That in this calm rests a might to surrender

What appears is not what always is
Sometimes night can throw a light of bliss
As I started the tree whispered holding my wrist
To be truly unstoppable you need to coexist

Running on four wheels I reached an edge
Where the only survival was on one’s legs
Staring in his eyes I asked him how
A will to survive was the answer as I took a bow

As the calm cyan met the golden glow
Carpeting the earth’s chest with a warm snow
I don’t need the world to teach me the world
I take my blessings from the nature’s mould

His words were magical full of insight
I thought to myself how simple and bright
We spend our lives chasing a dream
When dreams are so near than they actually seem

Simplicity I learnt was the key to rule and be able
There’s no stopping then to being unstoppable


From the blink to the stretch of the eye
All I could see was this mystic sky
Under it was this crimson sand
Holding pebbles in the palm of her hand

The shadow lingered from a foot to a mile
Shrinking me to a pinch just for a while
It’s your belief of how big you are
That gets shattered when you meet the czar

The earthy shadow kept rising
As my pride kept retrieving
It was a lesson well learnt
Never swell an ego or else face the brunt

Though looking small I now feel so big
As my unstoppable life now has a new gist


I have seen a teardrop in the middle of a dry ocean
I have seen life in the middle of aggression
I have traveled the distance for I don’t live in a shell
I have seen beauty even on the face of hell

In my life so far I have gathered dusky memory
Of life, wisdom and love and a shell full of glory
Even though traveled I think I have just departed
To an unstoppable journey that has just started


I cried I cried I cried for an embrace
Only to find him face to face
You live so far yet are so near
To a million hearts whom you are so dear

I ask the secret of pleasure O thy
Living in a hive yet alone am I why
I ask I ask I ask you again
What wrong have I done to hold this pain

Threads of bonding are woven with care
And not so much by material stares
Find a reflection of soul O son
You shall never walk alone in shade or sun

It was a moment that changed my life
An unstoppable feeling was right at the aisle
Remember he said with words a few
You are a mirror of someone and I am a reflection too


Have you seen thirst living with floods; I have
Have you seen warmth embracing shiver; I have
This world of ours is a big but small wonder
Breathing in it’s belly are a myriad wonders

Reaching there I always forget
My worries my sorrows and all my regrets
Hold as much as you can of this pristine glory
I hold the ocean within was the shell’s story
To be unstoppable you need a heart of gold
And forbearance how how much can you hold


When you know the voice
You know it’s time to go
On the journey of a lifetime
On the spine of the road

Thus I traveled
Through thick through thin
Turning away the rumble
For finding an end to begin

He stood on the horizon
As if holding the earth
The meaning of life he said
Does not rest in your birth

It is the distance you travel
Breathing or otherwise
Is what will determine
Your ultimate paradise

Handing me a pine cone
Is when he disappeared
Guiding me to be unstoppable
And lead a life unfeared


I was dwelling not for a place
But for the feeling of solace
Guided by the ivory spark
I stood in front of my life’s ark
Only to clear my fears
And all the shades of dark

Standing alone I was not alone
For with me there were her thoughts
It is then when it dawned on me
To love someone you need to set it free
The carrier breeze brought me a bud leaf
As if someone somewhere
Was waiting for my belief

I turned around and started all aglow
As my unstoppable life was ready to go.

-Anonymous

Life and Death... War and Peace

Mom died on 24th November 2005
I was too far away when my mom died. Too far. Mentally adrift and physically absent to be anywhere near her. She never took such steps when i was around. I had spoken to her the day before. She was just back from the hospital. She asked me when i was coming to Kerala. I said February. I was too far adrift. She replied saying it was too long a wait. I failed thoroughly. The very next day at 10.00 pm my cousin came in and said that i was to fly to Kerala as mom had taken some pills. She had done this earlier and admitted and recovered. I thought this was a repetition. Dumb till i saw her lying on the floor with a stoic face. Tears came but were only for the occasion. Most of us were outwardly insulated and inwardly scorched. Outwardly insulated and inwardly scorched. Scorched. That day was judgement day for me, my dad and our common God. It didn't happen right...it wasn't meant to be wrong either. Except for the intelligence. Too intelligent. Too much of intelligence. What's left is a choice. Would it make a difference? It would. Someone said it takes 20 years of peace to make a man and and 20 seconds of war to destroy him. My mom was fighting for 20 years and 20 seconds of peace took her life. At the least that's what i would like to believe. Who was she? I cannot answer that question. Doesn't do justice..not to me. A person who always kept in touch with her friends from school college relatives teachers from school college and in their old age who is there to be a better company. A respectable old school teacher who once told me that my mom was God prayed for her reincarnation. Reincarnation. My brothers classmates and teachers and all hostelites were there for the funeral. Others were family and friends and people from the neighbourhood. Make a man and 20 seconds of war to destroy him.